Old Rab C Nesbitt Sketch - Hospital

This one's for Ashley - if you can understand this one I'll buy you a drink!!! ;)

And this is what Americans think a Scotsman looks like...?

I have just read this interesting post in the Guardian's blog Comment is Free. Apparently new research shows that most Americans associate Scotland with Groundskeeper Willie from the Simpsons (which is, of course, an American creation with a voice created by an American!). Sean Connery has lost out to this guy???

It doesn't come as a surprise to me as I have had way too many incidents with the American public where they reveal their unbelievable ignorance about Scotland.

I had an instance in Cleveland when I was working in a national bookstore chain as a cashier and a woman asked where I was from (they ALL do...) and proceeded to tell me to have a nice vacation!! - I was working for $6.25 an hour and I was in Cleveland Ohio!!!! I have also been told more times than I can count that my English is very good - to which, if I'm in a testy mood, I often reply "Thanks, so is yours!!". Darren's Grandma has told me (in a very thick Virginia accent) how my English is better than the Chinese girl that works at her old folks' home!!

The one that took the biscuit was lately when again I was working as a cashier. A woman asked where I was from (they still ALL ask) and she proceeded to tell me she was a high school teacher. I asked what she taught and she said English as a Second Language. She described her job and how challenging it is for her poor Mexican students to learn English - then she added - "of course, you'd know how difficult that it is" - I said "excuse me?" and she clarified - "you know how difficult it is to learn English from when you had to". My jaw slammed onto the floor and I picked it up informing her that I can't speak any other language - just English!! I guess my argument was too complex for her to grasp because she left the store still going on about how well I spoke English!!!!

From this vast mountain of experience I read the Guardian article a little puzzled. The subtitle is :
Americans don't know much about Scotland and what they do know is mainly bad. Should the Scots be worried?

The thoughts of the Scots being worried about this makes me roll around on the ground laughing. Americans still tell me (incessantly) how they want to visit Scotland (and often assume I'll plan their trip for them) and tell me (again incessantly) that they consider themselves Scottish. I have over time developed the guts to reply to this statement thus:

You are not Scottish, you are American!! To qualify as Scottish you have to be brought up there and have the prerequisite accent (or to Americans - bad English). The man who was born in India and his parents moved to Scotland when he was 1yr old is Scottish of Indian parentage. If you've endured the biting cold horizontal rain walking home from school in the dark of 3.30pm for your entire school career, then you are Scottish!! My kids will be American if they live here - American with a Scottish mother.

The classic example of all of this was when I was at the St Patrick's day parade here in New Orleans and I wore a sign saying "I'm Scottish throw me something". I had several "Irish" men shout "The Irish hate the Scots!" - and I'd laugh to myself - the Irish love the Scots - so all these men claiming to be Irish did was reveal how un-Irish they truly are!!

I take no responsibility for my grammar or spelling or vocabulary - I can't be held accountable I'm only ScAttish!!
(I'd also like to stress some Americans are very knowledgeable and treated me very well .... its just some ... well ... don't - so if you are one of the former please know I do not mean you - and if you are one of the latter ... you read my blog?? ... wow your English is better than I thought!!!)

Jena Six

I can't believe this and yet sadly I can believe this. A group of black students at a high school in Jena, Louisiana asked if they could meet under the tree in the school yard where white students normally congregated. The principal said yes and the next morning there were nooses hanging from the tree. What followed was ugly racial fighting of white students against black and black against white.

The criminal justice system stepped in and made everything worse. The white students were charged with assault or battery. The black students were charged with attempted murder!! The case includes one student who is a very successful student and athlete who is expected to win a major scholarship to college for football if he doesn't get found guilty and sentenced to 15 years in jail that is.

You can read more here. I am plain disgusted.

BILL MAHER ::SEPTEMBER 7 2007:: PART SIX

Wow - I can't believe I had to hear about the Jena Six from Bill Maher! There is also some brilliant stuff on Obama - I particularly like the theory that because the country is "f**ked up" then a black man will become president - because they always give departments/jobs that are "F**cked up" to the black man so he can fail....!!

Parallel Universe

Woke this morning to a parallel universe: first Scotland beat FRANCE 1-0 at fitba!!!!!!

Then I find out that the Labour Scottish Prime Minister (of Britain) invited this old hag, bitch, evil monster, to tea at number 10!!! He invited HER!!!

Pavarotti - Nessun Dorma

I cried

RIP Maestro

Pavorotti died this morning. He will be sorely missed. I shed more than a few tears today listening to him sing. He was truly gifted. We are lucky he shared that gift with the world. RIP

depressing state of the union

I read the Guardian mostly everyday. It is my way of keeping up with news at home (as well as the BBC) and of reading commentators that I like who keep my weary brain cells ticking over. One such is Gary Younge. His pieces are quite brilliant. His book "Stranger in a Strange Land" is a brilliant collection of his Guardian writings from America. I highly recommend everyone read it and I'm ever grateful to my dear friend who gave it to me as a gift.

I have just read another of Younge's posts in today's paper. He outlines the depressing failures of the Bush administration and highlights a most disturbing trend that has been fostered and developed by the same administration. The trend is for the administration to see itself as separate from the "reality-based" consciousness and as acting upon situation not assessing them. That this American Empire can act upon its own whim without any analytical thought of the consequences is quite petrifying! The fact that the administration appears quite proud of that fact is astounding!!

One commenter on Younge's article put it perfectly and left me thoroughly depressed:

America's decline is a result of structural, systemic and ideological factors beyond George W. Bush, but he (with a little help from Bin Ladin) has certainly accelerated the decline dramatically.

In the space of a generation it has gone from the nation that put a man on the moon to the nation that took 5 days to get water to the Superdome. It has gone from the nation that played a critical role in defeating Facism to the greatest threat to peace on the planet. It has gone from a being promoter of human rights to being a nation practices torture and 'rendition' and that clings to the archaic vengeance of the death penalty. It looks up more of its own people than any other nation in history. It's failing healthcare system has led to financial nightmare, reduced life expectancy and even shorter heights for its citizens. It must borrow or sell assets to the tune of $2.5 billion every day in order to get by. It is a pariah, albeit a powerful one, among the world community.

America will never recover from the Bush presidency.

Please will you be my president!

I live in America. I have been living in America for seven years. I am a permanent resident. That means I cannot vote (on how my taxes are spent, how the roads are maintained, the schools taught etc etc).

I have just had coffee with a friend and the topic turned to politics. This topic, right now, in this country is depressing. The US right now feels like the UK did during Thatcherism (although she was popular for some of her "reign"). It feels hopeless and helpless. The light at the end of this tunnel, we hope, is the 2008 election.

So my friend and I discussed our opinions of the candidates. Hilary Clinton is the democratic front runner. She is experienced, intelligent, and well equipped for the job. Barack Obama is dynamic, personable and an amazing speaker. John Edwards is passionate on the behalf of the poor with a smile to melt any heart. Mitt Romney is a Mormon and supports the Iraq war. John McCain is (in my opinion) a little unhinged. Giuliani is plain scary.

Any Republican would (and always will be) in my book be a very bad thing (this country is far enough to the right as is!). So I turn to the Democrats.

Clinton is the front runner. I would love to see a woman in the White House but I worry what that woman would have to do to get there. Just as Thatcher wasn't really viewed as a "woman" in the UK (she had more testosterone than Attila the Hun!!), I feel that Clinton is having to become harder all the time and prove that she does not have all those silly sentiments attributed to the weaker sex. Feminism has come a long long way in forty years but some of the American electorate are stuck back in the fifties. I fear that her gender alone may mean that she would not make it through the White House doors and it pains me to say it!!

Obama is dynamic. He began his campaign promising to be different, to be untainted by the normal Washington filth. But I feel he is becoming more and more mainstream as the game is played. He is against the Iraq war and that is a tremendous thing but he is incredibly naive in his foreign policy attitudes - as the Pakistanis can attest. His speech making has not been as electrifying as I had hoped. Maybe he has a grand finale planned, who knows. However just like with Clinton, I think it would be amazing to see a black man in the US presidency. It would be a visual realisation of MLK's dream. But this country has swung further to the right than during the civil rights movement. This country, though clothed in the vocabulary of political correctness, is so conservative in its outlook that I fear a black man would not be allowed to grace the living quarters of the White House and I would fear for his safety. And again it pains me to say so.

So Edwards. The southern, white man with the electric smile. I like him. People like him. He's a likable guy. He has all the qualities to get elected. That hometown southern drawl is so attractive to voters in the US and his passion for the everyman who is struggling in this rocky economy is tangible. But sadly, very sadly, his wife is ill with cancer. What if she dies whilst he is president? How could a grieving widower with two small children cope with the burden of high office? It is so sad and I hope everyday that she can announce that she is cancer free - it would be brilliant news for her, her family and this nation!!

So who is left. I cannot vote and wish I could. The person I wish I could vote for and who I feel this country needs desperately and the world needs desperately is Al Gore. He won in 2000! This country voted for him in 2000! He has the experience, the credentials for the job but so much more. He realises the biggest threat to the world is global warming (that's global warming not 'climate change')!! As president he would have the ability to change policies to affect how we address this vital issue. I feel he is the strong steady, intelligent hand that is needed to guide this country out of the mess it is in. And it would be poetic to allow the American people the opportunity to vote for the man they wanted to run their country in the first place, to right a wrong done by the Supreme Court (I read somewhere that Bush won the 2000 election by 5 votes - 5 Supreme Court votes!!).

I know Al Gore is not in the running. But I hope he is thinking about it. I would be ecstatic if he would run. I'd batter every door down in my neighbourhood and tell everyone to get out and vote. I'd drive anyone eligible to vote to the polling booth myself. So my appeal (not that Al Gore likely reads this wee wittering blog) is that everyone speak out and ask Gore to run. Tell him we need him. Tell him the world needs him.

Ahm affay sorry ken

ah've jist been hayin' a geck at ma past posts on doric an ah found a comment fae a man that runs the scots wikipedia site an it turn oot that it's mastley in doric - ah must've nae been affay guid at readin' it ken. so ah jist winted tay pit the record straight an also to thank Dereck fir commenting and pitting me richt - ah wid love tay tak up his offer oh jinin 'em bit ah'm nae affay guid at figurin' oot the wiki thingy (there's een fir N'awlins thit ah cannay de either) so ahm hopin he'll forgive this daft quiney her misreadin' an he'll keep up the guid work!!

Here's his comment:

Maist o the fowk contreebutin tae the Scots Wikipedia are aether Doric spikkers, Borderers or Scots lairners. "Central Belters", eejits or itherwise, dinna seem tae be sae interestit in warkin on it, tho there are ane or twa. A'm ane o the foonders an contreebutors an, like yersel maist o ma faimlie on baith sides are Doric spikkers at hame, sae whan A pit onythin in the Wikipedia A've nae chyce but tae pit it in Doric syne A dinna ken onythin else. Whit micht be leadin ye astray is that aw the Wikipedia editors contreebute wi the ae staundard Scots spellin. Sae if ye didna ken the richt wey tae sey "wh" or "i" in Doric, ye micht think that A wis writing in Central Scots. I can assure ye, that if ye heard me reading the airticle oot lood, ye'd hae little doot that the maist o the Scots Wikipedia wis written in Doric. The lave o't is quasi-Scots written by Scots lairners and needs reddin up but nae apolgies. We're short o fowk that can contreebute at ony level and we're nae sae prood but that we'll tak wha we can get.

In fact we're aye aifter mair contreebutors that can actually spik Scots, (Doric spikkers by preference since Doric is the healthiest Scots dialect an it's far mair likely that Doric spikkers actually ken the richt wey tae spik Scots), sae if ye dinna like the wey that we're daein things ay noo, we'd be richt glad if ye'd jine us and help tae set things richt.

Cheers

Derek Ross

Gordon the Gopher and Curious George

Having just wasted five minutes of my life looking for photos of Brown and Bush, I find it rather telling that I can't find any the normal way I pillage for legal visuals for this 'ere blog. This shows how in the grand news circle of the USA, Brown meeting with Bush was a non-event. In many ways it is an accurate assessment.

Lets see. We had George spout off about what a funny guy Brown is and not a 'dour scot' at all (pronouncing dour to rhyme with sour instead of poor) and how they'll be fast friends. I have an image of Bush boring Brown silly with tales of 'my great great great great grandfather' was Scottish and 'oh I went there on holiday' (- oh well it was the G-8 summit but you get the picture).

[One of my favourite sports is informing Americans who claim to be Scottish too (yes they actually say this) that no they are not - they have Scottish heritage and you can't be called Scottish unless you've put up with horizontal rain pelting your frozen forehead as you walk home from school in February at age 10. If I'm particularly successful I follow it up with saying that someone who has Indian parents but has been born or brought up in Scotland with the accent and everything is Scottish!]

Back to GB meets GB. Brown on the other hand looked like he was about as pleased to share two meals and a dubious golf cart ride with George as a colonescapy! No friendly remarks made about the blithering dunderheid to his left. Just an agreement not to rock the Iraq boat for now and help get George focused on something actually humane and worthwhile like world poverty and Darfur (likely payment for no boat rocking antics).

Gordon is coming into his own by all appearances in the UK. Everyone seems relieved to have someone less concerned with holidays with the rich and famous and more meat and potatoes politics. It should not be surprising that after ten years of smoke and mirrors Blair governance, warts and all Gordon is a welcome relief. But I think Gordy's slippery salmon to the North may prove to be more of a challenge than he thinks (see here for a brilliant take on the recent flag debacle)

The funny aspect is that Cameron's emulation of Blair appears to be backfiring in a serious way!! Maybe he'll finally go back to admitting he's an aristocratic toff after all?

GlasGO or at least Glasgae

The attack, on Saturday, at the Glasgow Airport was disturbing to me. I have walked through those very doors several times in my life and when I look at the photographs of the charred remains I am amazed that no one was killed or even hurt. It is disturbing to me to face the reality that Scotland is a target in international terrorism. However considering the Lockerbie bombing this is not the first example. Luckily Scots are not prone to panic and we are more likely to 'just get on with things' and this certainly appears to be what is happening in Scotland right now, as much as I can judge from this distance.

Having said all that there is one fallout from all this that is really disturbing to me personally. That is, that I have had to endure hearing SO many American voices mispronounce Glasgow!!!! The most common is that they make it rhyme with 'cow'. Another is that they put the syllable emphasis on the 'as' and make the beginning sound as if is it "Glass go". Along with the common mispronunciation of Edinburgh as EdinburG, this is driving me BARMY!!!! I know it shouldn't and the many hours of phonetics I sat through in English Language at Edinburgh Uni should make me a very understanding person ..... but please, anyone American reading this spread the word for the sake of my sanity - its GLAsgo.

If you can't manage that then you can always go for a more local pronunciation:
"GLAsgae"

Here's the door - don't let it hit you on the way out!

At LAAAAAAAAAAAAssst!!! Tony Blair has left Downing Street and now has the grand title of EX-prime minister!!! Parliament gave him a standing ovation at question time ..... kinda odd...

Enter new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown. He's doing things a bit differently already - he's asking members of other parties if they would like to be in his cabinet, he's talking about getting rid of 'top down' style of governing. He's already surprising people. We'll see if that continues now he has the top job.

And he is a Scot. He has a growling Fife accent that no manner of polishing will erase. But this is no Scottish friendly prime minister. Like many before him and bred from the 'canni dee it attitude', he has to shun his Scottishness, prove his Britishness (ie Englishness) in order to take himself, and for others to take him seriously. He infamously told Scotland that we should support England in football - yeah that went down well....!!!

We will see how our new Prime Minister makes his mark on Britain. We shall see how he deals with the irritating little stone in the bottom of his shoe that is the Scottish Parliament and the SNP with Salmond at the head. To be continued......

"Cannae dee it" Attitude

I just read Gwen's comment on my last post:

"think you have hit the nail on the head with your comment on the "Cannae dae it" attitude. I have over the years in a variety of jobs, seen many a person with that attitude. No wonder we get nowhere. We have to, as a nation, get ourselves some confidence that we can work hard and build an efficient economy. How do we instill such an attitude? Maybe its down to teachers in schools and parents to start this off at an early age. If it doesn't happen we just won't get anywhere."

"How do we instill such an attitude?" is the question for Scotland right now. Having lived in the country where people believe they can do anything (even fly to the moon...!!) I think I have some suggestions.

Being brought up in Scotland means never "getting above yourself" and participating in self deprecation. To actually admit that you are good at something is seen as a negative personality trait. If you've got a talent you'd better hide it under a bushel.

This is present also in parenting. To tell your kids that they are brilliant is considered a faux paux. To brag in anyway about your offspring is looked down upon.

Things are changing with parenting these days. Children have gone from the Victorian "be seen and not heard" to the center of every family activity. I personally think its gone a little overboard.

I think that in order to instill confidence in Scotland, confidence needs to be instilled in individuals from the start. We need to be proud of our children, we need to be proud of ourselves. Scottish pride seems to only reveal itself when someone is dead. Anyone who gets too famous or "above themselves" is quickly cut down or derided.

Scotland needs to admit to its hopes and dreams and see them as achievable goals. Scotland needs to believe that it can do anything. Scotland needs to stop cowering in England's shadow.

The one difference in the report I talked about in my last post is that all the small countries that are better than Scotland are independent. They rule their own affairs within Europe. They have not crumbled and failed without a larger country to cling to like a limpet. They have flourished.

I don't believe that Scotland needs to adopt an American attitude. It would be insincere. I do however think that Scotland needs to adopt a Scandinavian one. They work hard and look after each member of their community. They are a practical people who get things done. They have similar population to Scotland and some even are very similar topographically (I once took a flight from Aberdeen to Stavanger and it looked like we'd just flown in a circle and landed back in Aberdeen!).

I think one of Scotland's problems is the fact that the central belt can't seem to remember that it is attached to the rest of Scotland. The Labour run country for the last 50 years has been forever trying to strain forward to Westminster. Hopefully Alex Salmond, representing a North East constituency, will change some of that. Scotland has always looked to England and Westminster for answers instead of seeing our potential within the country.

If Scotland is at the bottom of the league for small countries in western Europe then what is the big risk in going independent? We can only get better.

Of course I am saying this from 3,000 miles away and I can just hear my sister thinking "what is she wittering on about? she doesn't pay taxes here or live here day to day!". True. But I think I have a different perspective because I am looking at my homeland from outside. I have a perspective that puts Scotland into context in the world. Sometimes when you live in a place you can't see the woods for the trees. So I hope that my witterings may give some Scots some pause for thought.

I am not in Scotland right now so I do not know the answer to this (although I've noticed a buzz in the blogosphere about it) but I hope Scotland is nervously excited for the future. I feel the SNP slender win over Labour is a tentative step towards trying something new, maybe trying a little confidence in ourselves.

"worst wee country" in western Europe

Apparently and in contrast to Jack McConell's phrase "the best wee country", Scotland is the "worst small country" in western Europe.
Shock, horror!!
You mean Scotland isn't better than Norway? Sweden? Denmark? Holland? Austria?

Ehmm. I'm nae surprised!!

We have a love of fried food that makes New Orleanian's look health conscious and there is a pesky gene going about that insists on knocking us down with heart disease - although it is given a hand by the amount of salt, fat and sugar that the population devours. So Scotland is hardly healthy ... yet?

OK so we are not making loads of cash either. But with our moaning whinging, "we couldnae dee it" attitude I'm not surprised. Hopefully we'll slowly see that Ireland is the model for Scottish economic growth - Oh yeah didn't I mention that Ireland, the country most Irish were dying (literally) to get out of, is doing far better than Scotland.

Scotland has a great deal of untapped potential. It has culturally a lot in common with the other small countries in western Europe. Its yet to be seen but maybe one day Scotland will start to gain in confidence and the wee country will be a wee bit further up the line to the title of "best wee country in the world".

Scary Alex - does Blair think he'll get "Salmond"ella?

"He never writes, he never phones..."



So said Alex Salmond when asked about Tony Blair.

On Friday, Gordon Brown, the soon to be and sorta kinda really already is the next PM (Prime Minister) of the UK, phoned to congratulate Alex Salmond on becoming the First Minister of Scotland. Great, but a little tardy at 16 days after Alex got the job.

Tony? He's abroad, he's too busy, he's (in my opinion) really pissed off!!

Tony is swanning around Africa indulging his massive ego with a farewell tour of places he likes to think he did real swell in - Libya, Sierra Leone... etc.
["Rule, Britannia! rule the waves:
Britons never will be slaves." - yeah right! ]
I personally think he missed out on the better tour - the US where the ability to speak in complete sentences is regarded as a miracle after so long with a monkey at the helm (sorry I'm likely insulting monkeys here). Everyone here can't get enough of Tony but then the majority of people wanted to go to war in Iraq. Oh and its easier to like someone you didn't vote for and doesn't actually have anything to do with running your country.

If Tony had a pair he'd be touring the UK apologising!!

But back to Alex. Alex Salmond has a tough job ahead of him. He will be the first person to actually test out the theory of devolution: the theory that the Scottish Parliament actually has control over a chunk of their own affairs. He has a minority government and will have to govern Scotland by doing things the way devolution was set up to do them - by cooperation between rival parties for the betterment of the common good of the country.

So far, Alex is doing a great job of trying to achieve this.

But, as Mark Douglas-Home writes in today's Observer, the issue for Alex will be communicating with the PM (Gordon). There has been little need for much coordination of such things before as all the First ministers of Scotland and Wales have until now been members of the Labour Party. They are all in the same club, singing from the same hymn sheet.

Uh oh! Alex is not in the club - he's not even allowed in the car park!! (although I don't think he wants to go anywhere near the sewer infested place...) He's likely to be pushed around by the members, be picked on as the odd one out. He really is the weakling considering he has to operate in a mode of cooperation or his governing days are over.

So what has happened? Tony disnae phone. Gordon has to have his arm twisted (press outcry) and 'sorta' phone but make sure and do it late. If this doesn't sound like bullying ....

Labour hate the SNP with vitriol. I'm sure Tony would rather walk naked through Baghdad before talking civilly with Alex Salmond - he may after all contract a case of "Salmond"ella.

Gordon is painting himself as more English than the English and wants to signal to England how much he cannot abide the man who will be governing the devolved Scottish Parliament - even though as MP for Kirkcauldy in Fife in Scotland that very man (Alex Salmond) will be making decisions that directly affect the people he (Gordon Brown) has been elected to serve.

All this is great. I love it. It shows blatantly how the Labour Party is a bastion of tradition which is out of date with the postmodern world. Tony and Gordon took to spinning till we all got dizzy but they can't hide the reality underneath. The SNP victory has slipped a knot in the carefully constructed fabric and the curtain is unravelling in front of the wizard of Oz.

Modern day Britain, modern day Scotland, modern day England, Wales, Northern Ireland are awash with multicultural aspects that no longer mold to traditional politics. The world is becoming more individualistic, more autonomous. Politics needs to catch up. I am excited at a political environment in Scotland where people have to debate, discuss and resolve issues for the common good. The system at Westminister has demonstrated how easy it is for a government with a big majority to allow an egotistical PM to do what he wishes - take the country to war against the wishes of its people.

The UK is one of the oldest democracies in the world. Before we make claims about exporting it, I think it would be good to address whether our system should be changed to fit with our changing world and country.

If Tony ever gets round to phoning Alex I'd love to hear Tony's excuse for being so late in calling....

Totally pointless and unimportant

Gwen has tagged me to reveal 8 interesting facts about myself. I apologise firstly - this may turn out to be highly dull and uninteresting as the subject is ME.

1. I was born with a third ear. My Dad flipped out because I, as his eldest, had to be perfect. As he was a doctor at the same hospital he organised a team of surgeon to remove said ear. The "ear" I must explain was more like a skin tag - it may have developed into an ear, I don't know but my Mum wasn't going to let me stay in the womb for another few months to find out (although by all accounts I was happy staying in there). So the surgeon tied a piece of string around my third ear and got ready with scalpel and bloop, it fell off of its own accord. So that's how I lost my perfect pitch at birth.

2. I have a fear of birds. Flapping birds throws me into a fit of squealing and rushing to escape. Dazza made me watch Hitchcock's "The Birds" - not one of his most romantic gestures....

3. Before I came to America, I had zero desire to ever visit America. I now live here and am even married to one. Never say never...

4. I once tugged the Queen Mother's skirt. I was five at the time and at Balmoral Castle. Prince Charles was coming home from the Falklands and the royals and the staff at the castle were all milling around. I as the granddaughter of one of the staff was milling around with the royals too. I saw a bright pink skirt and tugged it saying "Granny granny", looked up and saw the Queen Mum and screamed and ran for cover......

5. Sean Connery gave me $3,000 and I didn't even have to sleep with him (sadly). He has a Trust called the Scottish Education Trust that gives one off grants to Scots embarked on furthering their education in the Arts. So to come and do my masters he gave me $3,000!! Nice man.

6. I hate heavy metal. I mean the really heavy stuff. I hate Iron Maiden, Metallica and most of Guns and Roses. My sad admission is that I spent several of my teenage years pretending that I did like them. Dazza will attest that now every time he tries to get all nostalgic and play heavy metal I start bitchin'. So when he is at home alone I guarantee you the house is shakin' from him playing air guitar to Iron Maiden.

7. I used to suck my thumb ..... and sometimes in the middle of the night when I can't help myself because I'm asleep I still occasionally do....

8. Phew last one (I'm boring myself I think)... I love ab sailing. I have only done it once and I was about ten but I loved it. I can still remember the joy of letting go and jumping back off the cliff into nothing. One of my ambitions is to do it again.

I'm not going to tag anyone (gaaaasp - blogging fo pah....) because most of the non-Nola types have done this already and most of the Nola types don't participate in this tom foolery.
So paperback writer, Travelling Mermaid, Guilty With an Explanation, Longayelander, I Dream of Haggis, Sara B...... or anyone else
If you feel in the mood please reveal 8 facts about yourselves - if you don't, then have a good day and then blog about it - oh and please make it funny!!!

What is Doric?/Fit is Doric?

This een is gang tay be a dual post - een in Doric (this een) an an ither in English. Am going tay hay a go at tryin tay explane fit this weird dialect ahm tryin tay write in is. First aff Ah'd like tay tell ahbody thit Ahm dyslexic so dinnae get in a stooshie aboot ma spellins cos there's nay onny spell checker fir fit Ahm tryin tay de OK?

Doric is the dialect o Scots thats spoken in the Nor Aest o Scotlan. It varies a lot depindin on far aboot ye are in the region. Ah grew up in Keith half wiy atween Aiberdeen an Inverness. My Granparents lived in Ballater, an oor awa, an they iwise telt me that Ah soonded like Ah wis fae Keith. So if yer fae Huntlee or Towie or Inverurie or Stonehaven, yer Doric is aye gan tay be a wee bitty different fae other places. Fir example I wis aye telt aff by my Mum (ah wid say "mither" but she hates at an she'll nae like it if ah use at wird) fir sayin' "windee" for "window" 'cus in Crathie in Deeside they niver say "windee". Ma Granda fay time tay time wid say I soonded like a Keith kyard or a tink. The "Tinks" were travellin folk that selt stuff naebody wanted an their kids wid come tae skweel fae time tae time an they wir nivir excepted by onny oh us fa lived in the toon. Ah dinna think folk on Deeside thoucht that much oh folk fae Keith.

Keith is an odd toon. Its nae completely country an its nae a fishin toon either. There used tay be a big textile mill there ca'id "Kynochs" but they went oot oh business afore I even went tay school. So fan I wis growin up it wis a toon that wis tryn tay stay alive but wis really dyin. Culturally is wis a backwater wi nae idea oh whit wis oot in the world. But I learnt the value oh folk fae growin up there. Ah went tae skweel wi kids that didnae ken far their next meal wis comin from. Ah wis aye aware ah wis different but ah learnt foo tay get on wi as mony folk as ah could.

Ye see this doric dialect is nae easy tay pick up, especially if ye'iv nae growin up in it. Fan Ah went tay school Ah wis ca'id a snob cos Ah didnae spick doric, Ah didnae spick like abody else (we maestly spoke English at hame 'cos oh my Dad). But ma granparents did. So fan Ah wis Four an went to the skweel fir the first time Ah picked up the Keith version quick. Nae that it made muckle difference as they Ah kent Ah wis oor muckle different fae them ah tay iver be accepted.

Fir reference my Dad wis fae Inverness far they dinna spick doric (Ah've heard folk say that the best English in the hale oh Britain is spoken in Inverness) an fan my Dad first went tay my Mum's hame tay meet my granparents he didnae unnerstan a wird. Ah wis affa impressed wi ma American man bein able to decipher fit wis ga-in on aroon him fan he first went tay Deeside - he must've deen sometin richt 'cos my Grannie winted tay adopt him fae the start!!

The innerestin thing aboot Doric fir me is that it is definitely my mither tongue. Fan Ah meet a baby, even in America, Ah ayewis fine mysel spickin doric tay them an Ah divnae evin realise fit Ahm dee-in. Folk here gee me an affa queer look!!!

This one is going to be a dual post - one in Doric and one in English. I am going to have a go at explaning the weird dialect of North Eats Scots that I am writing in. First off I'd like to explain that I am dyslexic and there is no such thing as a doric spell checker so don't judge me on my spelling.

Doric is the dialect of Scots spocken in the North Eats region of Scotland. It varies depending on where you are in the region. I grew up in Keith halfway between Aberdeen and Inverness. My grandparents lived in Ballater, an hour away, and they always told me that I sounded like I was from Keith. If you are from Huntly or Towie or Inverurie or Stonehaven the Doric you speak is going to be slightly different. For example I was always told off by my Mum for saying "windee" for "window" becuase in Deeside, where she grew up, no one ever said "windee". My Granda from time to time would say I sounded like a Keith Kyard or "tink". The "tinks" were travelling people who would sell things people didn't want or need and their kids would come to school from time to time and never be accepted by those of us who lived in the town. I always thought that people on Deeside never thought much of people from Keith.

Keith is an odd town. Its not completely a country town nor is it a fishing town. There used to be a large textile mill there called "Kynochs" but it went out of business before I went to school. So when I was growing up, Keith was a town trying to stay alive when it was really dying. Culturally it was a backwater, with no idea of what was out in the world. But I learnt the value of people growing up there. I went to school with kids that didn't know where their next meal was coming from. I was always aware I was different but I learnt how to get on with as many people as possible.

You see, this Doric dialet is not easy to pick up, especially if you've not grown up with it. When I first went to school I was called a "snob" because I din't speak doric (we mainly spoke English at home because of my Dad). But my grandparents did. So when I was four and went to school for the first time I picked up the Keith version of doric quick. Not that it made much difference as they all knew that I was much too different from them to ever really be accepted.

For reference my Dad was from Inverness where they don't speak doric (I've heard people comment that the best English spoken in the whole of Britain is in Inverness) and when he first went with my Mum to meet my grandparents he didn't understand a word that was spoken. I was terrible impressed with my American man being able to understand what was going on around him when he first went to Deeside - he must have done someting right because my Granny wanted to adopt him from the start!!

The interesting thing for me is that Doric is definitely my mother tongue. When I meet a baby, even in America, I always find myself speaking Doric to them and I don't even realise what I am doing. People here give me a very queer look!!

For those English speakers - Doric is often referred to as the "Fit, Far, Fan" language becuase of the preponderance of those words. "Fit" means "what; "Fan" means "when"; and "Far" means"where". So the sentence "Fit fit does 'is shoe fit?" means "Which foot does this shoe fit?". There is a whole "Scotland the What" skit on this - "breeks" spelt T_R_O_U_S_E_R_S, "breeks". Doric is traditionally an oral dialect and rarely written down. So it demonstrates the clear division between the hierarchy of written and oral language and the hierarchy of English over Scots. Interestingly writing this post, when I swapped to translate into English the voice in my head suddenly sounded very posh and not all that unlike HRH Queen Liz II !!

Bit fit aboot Doric? Ken?

I'm nay affa happy i day. I wis hayin' a geck at a quine's blog fae Utah an she hid an interestin post tellin ye ah aboot a new Wikipedia in Scots. That'll be just gran ah thoucht an so ah clicked on her link tay see it.

Oh its affay fine and bonny. Its just grand. Bit its nay. Can somebody tell me fit wye they wid hay a hale wikipedia site on Scots an in Scots weeoot ony mention o Doric?? There's even a post on Aiberdeen weeoot onythin on Doric. Bit they gang an and an aboot Scots Lied and Lawlands Scots. I'm likely aboot tay offend some peer crater but ... fa spicks Lawlands ony mair? It smacks o central beltism - they dinna realise foo mony folk there are that dinna live atween Edinburgh and Glasgow!!

Doric is the dialect spoken in the North East of Scotland. I grew up speaking it, my maternal side of my family speaks it and it is still very much in existence. It has long been a neglected form of Scots - relegated to the stereo-types of North East Choochters - or "farmers". There is a lot of North East culture that has been overlooked or never leaves the small enclave of the Grampian mountains. I am appalled that there should be a "Scots" wikipedia without Doric.

If only I was computer savvy - I'd get onto the site and post an article on Doric ....

So if there is anyone out there computer savvy from the North East please rectify the situation for me!! Thanks

on yersell big man!!!!!

It's very interesting to read the views that have been posted on the BBC website on Alex Salmond's appointment as First Minister.

My favourite is

On yersell big man!!!!

Shuggie, Glasgow

More here.